When Sarah Palin needs to notify NORAD of the latest incursion into Alaskan air space...
The NORAD-PALIN Automated System is activated. See below...
You have reached the NORAD Automated System
If you are a normal person, PRESS 1...
If you are Governor Sarah Palin, PRESS 2...
[BEEP]
If you are inquiring about our interceptor-based library scorched earth policy, PRESS 1...
If you are inquiring about which side NORAD will be on after the succession, PRESS 2
If Vladmir Putin is rearing his head again, PRESS 3
[BEEP]
If Putin is trying to squirrel out of trade negotiations, PRESS 1
If you can see Putin rearing his head from your house, but he is not yet invading Alaskan airspace, PRESS 2
If Putin is approaching the narrow maritime border, PRESS 3
If Putin is currently flying over your house, PRESS 4
[BEEP]
"North American Aerospace Defense Command. How are you this evening, Governor Palin?"
PALIN: "Well, I'm just dandy, thanks, except I've got that Putin rearin' his head again over my house. I'd like to invade him."
NORAD: "Right. We're not actually authorized to take orders from the Alaskan state government. Perhaps you should speak with someone at the Pentagon."
PALIN: "Well I don't want to involve any more foreign nations if I don't have to, so, thanks but no thanks. As soon as I'm Queen of the Alaskan Empire I'll have a thing or two to say about those missiles. By now."